In 2008 after attending Unseminar 5, I realized jobs and I were not friends, in fact we were in fact not even on friendly terms. If anything, we have a mutual hatred of each other. (As long as it’s mutual right?) And that it was actually possible to make a living online. But I had promised my clients I would work one more season.
One More Season
Tax season started early in November because our company offered a “pre-season” loan that reduces the refund, by giving clients money now. This early loan bothered me ethically, the interest rate was legal, yet the fees associated with it made it reprehensible. Plus unfortunately this mostly preys on the uneducated and we are “encouraged” to push them to get the loan if they sit at our desk.
Starting in November threw me off schedule for the things I needed to have done before Christmas and on my business. But throwing me worse was that twice I had the boss visit me at my desk to publicly yell at me. During this last season she yelled at me at least a dozen times. Yes, yell, raise her voice and yell at me. No, I am not deaf.
Every tax season, since I started at the new office, I would get laryngitis for almost a week. This year was different, I got it in November, in January, and in late February. 3 TIMES. One co-worker was getting her associates degree online when we were slow, my co-workers on crafts that they would later sell. Yet my writing a book was strictly prohibited. When clients came in, my crafty co-workers were given a moment to get things off their desk, I was not. And in the end I got the least pay that I had received in years.
With the laryngitis and other oddities, it was like being given a big “have you finally had enough?” kind of warning.
Roadblocks
So as soon as tax season ended, my credit card got hit with a HUGE fee for an annual subscription that I didn’t know I had. The company refused to refund my money, because I had “agreed” to the subscription. The credit card company refused to work with me. And now I have a subscription to service that has ebooks and articles written by non-English speaking writers. Mistakes are common.
Salem, my now 10 year old cat was attacked by another cat. It’s happened before, he normally needs a few days to recoup, but he started getting worse not better. The vet prescribed antibiotics, and said he’d might need surgery and come back next week. Next week resulted in the same issuance, so 6 weeks after the first visit he finally had surgery and a final week of antibiotics. 
Just in time for Luna to cut her paw open…
Having not been much of one for being sick (except for the annual laryngitis and a bit of flu then), I was shocked to get the flu in the middle of the summer. Every time I tried to make big progress with one of my businesses I got sick. Blocks appearing to get me discouraged and whenever I wanted to make progress. So it was a bummer… but
Progress was made!
July 20th, I hosted a 12 hour web Ustream marathon. Interviewing different people on how to conquer fear. The book I started writing in 2008 was put on a shelf until I could make money. Yet I produced an ebook and two videos. I created 3 new websites during 2009 that have been my new hub, my business and personal blog (which you are reading). My personality has changed to a stronger and more positive.
While there are some who say I am negative, a lot of my posts here must reflect my own stories of abuse because I cannot tell someone else’s story, nor can I tell what has been disclosed to me personally. Plus if I only include the positive how can I hope to help people find the positive from negative situations, or to realize that they deserve better than abusive situations. Too often we only qualify physical abuse when there are other forms of abuse. In addition sometimes what others view as negative is statement of facts for me.
That’s my story… and I’m stickin’ to it.
So please comment with what have been your roadblocks?
MJ
This is something I’ve heard several times this week. Years ago, I repeated “but he has never hit me” while looking at a marriage that was so wrong. So while I wanted to tell a story about New Mexico, this post is more important.
Regular readers know I was married. Over 12 years have passed, since I asked for us to get counseling, instead after work the house was half empty. Since then I dated guys with whom no future could exist. As a counseling student I know my choices were to “keep me safe” because I didn’t want to trust anyone although now someone is knocking on my heart… but that’s for another post.
Dating my ex-husband, he held my hand and sent “BIG” gifts to work, things for permanent display. Never roses, or dark blue irises that I love or flowers at all. This was all show, but being young and dumb “this meant he loved me.”
Married; the affection he showed in public remained the same, or even grew. The gifts were big and sent to work. Flowers added after much pleading, were given at home with a “I got them from the grocery discount bin” which showed. He barely talked to or touched me in private. Praising my accounting degree he didn’t trust me with his bank information. Yet he never hit me.
After working a 12 hour day, I refused to cook, so he grudgingly bought food for us, although I got food poisoning so bad I slept in front of the toilet. Fixing dinner I sliced my finger almost to the bone, neither time did he care.
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When I disagreed, he would cup my ears, mashing his palms & my hair into my ears. Then would “talk to me” except I couldn’t hear him, and it appeared he was mumbling. If I wanted to be alone, he would grab my arm and force me to stay. But he never hit me.
The contrary messages messed with my self-worth. When I woke up, and saw every bone in my body was visible, I realized “He doesn’t hit me” isn’t good enough. |
I deserve someone who can hold my hand, hug me or kiss me in public or private, in front of family or friends. Someone willing to compromise and honor promises. Someone who would get medicine for me, willing to watch shows I like. I am laid back, but I am not a doormat. This is almost 2010 and I am almost…. respect me for who I am, or walk away. Respect, honor and most important love. Put love first everything else will fall into place.
How about some you may have seen or heard. Excessive teasing. Berating someone in public. Constantly accusing someone of cheating, being mad, sad, or whatever. Name calling. Finding a reason to fight. Here’s one women use a lot, “you know why I am mad.” He or she “doesn’t hit me” is not good enough for me. And I am here to tell you, IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU EITHER.
So what if your significant other doesn’t hit you. If you use that phrase, your relationship is probably an abusive relationship. Ask for counseling, walk away, whatever, it is time for a change. A relationship is compromise, honor, respect, and love. Actually the first should be love.
Summary:
“Doesn’t hit me” is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. LOVE IS.
Sorry for the rant, but this is something my heart said to talk about this week.
MJ Schrader
Click here for Signs of Abuse
Now these 3 remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is ♥ LOVE ♥
Posted by MJ Schrader under
Life
This is the last “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” post, (at least for a while). Today is purely off the cuff. No carefully thought out plan of what this blog will cover. Here it is Lent, and my goal is to eliminate negative thinking. Yet, of late anger and deep frustration have been trying to push themselves into my day. So this blog will be about dealing with the “Negative Thinking” that arises from that.
A huge kink was thrown my way Friday, and caused me a great deal of pain. Because of certain situations, finishing my book has been stalled until after April 15th. Bummer because I was nearing completion. But work and my writing are in conflict.
Unfortunately it seems I don’t do enough work, never mind the more work I do, the more I get paid. Since I have plans to travel this summer, income is very important. Try as I might, the German blood in me begins to boil. Anger seeps into my being. Yet, as my blood boils I recall that blind anger is Negative Thinking.
How easy it would be to lash out, yell out my feelings. Another worker brags about her home business with every other client has worked on it at the office. Anything I have done has been done by my co-workers in forms. What I say and do is turned in and turned against me. It’s seems unfair.
Yet, this is part of life. Life is not fair. There are things that make us want to scream, that cause deep frustration, and make your anger flare. The easy route is to embrace those feelings and follow the instincts that follow.
No, I am not sleeping well, haven’t in over two weeks. But as I got called into the office again, my anger flared, and I caught myself. Closed my eyes for a brief moment, and realized “this too shall pass.” It was time to stop, think beyond this moment, and not create more negative thinking.
Follow my temper, then I would feel worse. Management would then be upset. My co-workers could then get into trouble. Then management, my co-workers and I would all go out into the world and spread more negative…
Wait.
That’s not a good thing.
Instead, I will embrace whatever they tell me. Hopefully my last three days of work will be extremely busy. When it’s not busy, I can think about things to write later. Maybe I can get in some reading. This week I will bring in some brownies. Maybe I’ll make some appetizer.
On April 15th I will thank my boss for another tax season. Pay my co-workers compliments. They are wonderful people. There is a great deal of beauty and love inside each of them. Rather than see the negative, I will choose. I choose to see all the wonder, and amazing values each of them brings. So “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” by controlling the anger, frustration and choose to see the positive.
Love
MJ
Yes, another week in Lent brings another “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” blog post. Special thanks to Joan Adams and Lynette Patterson who inspired “Celebrate Moments.” This series ends April 11th, as Lent ends, then just 4 days later my job ends. While it would be easy for me to say I am thinking nothing but positive thoughts about this, that would be a lie.
Work has not been as busy as I need it to be. There have been incidents that make me realize this is not where I need to be. I have had times when I wish this season was already over, yet that leaves me wondering what to do afterwards. The plan is to have a book finished, but it is still not done. Then the question of will enough copies sell to support me over the summer, and grow enough to make a living. Add into the mix my ex-boyfriend owes me money and whines with each minimal payment. Cross country and some shorter trips over the summer are in my plans, which require both time and money. All of these stress my physical and mental health.
Yet, there are numerous blessings, albeit some disquised. There have been some wonderful repeat clients, whom make me want to stay. Work being slower has given me more time to write. While I am not done, I have never gotten this far in writing a book. With the end of season pay and the book finished, I can have time to write another book, or find my way to pay bills. I reunited with someone online who intriques me, although I haven’t yet told him I’d like to meet him again. He lives cross country, so it will surprise him. Not having traveled much, these cross country trips are exciting.
Life is like that. It’s a mixed bag, no life is 100% bad, yet it’s easy to get focused on all the bad things and forget about the good. Then negative thinking multiplies allowing you to focus on more negative. But there are inspirations and great things everywhere, and in the things you do. Inspire yourself, by looking for the good.
Celebrate something large or small that you did that was great. You made a client smile. You finished a project. You helped someone. Give yourself a present, 10 minutes on a video game, 10 minutes of reading for pleasure. “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” by finding someway or something to make you think positive. Whisper to someone, even if you have to stare into your own eyes in the mirror, “I love you.” Then Celebrate the beauty in life, reward yourself for the good you bring!
I LOVE YOU!
~ MJ
The fourth week of “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” brings us to Faking Positive Thinking. A special thanks to Simone Blum who helped me decide on a slightly lighter topic for this week. She is a great person to follow on Twitter.
The past two weeks were some of the consequences of negative thinking. The making poor choices, falling into or back into addictions, and suicide are serious problems that negative thinking can bring.
You must make choices that better for you. Making changes for the world is too big. Think positive and light up YOUR WORLD. But if you think about the people in your world, your family (not necessarily by blood), your friends, your acquaintances and the people whose lives you touch unknown by you, that IS YOUR WORLD.
By thinking negative, you effect not only yourself but everyone in your world. It is ripples in a pond. Ever walk down the street and someone gives you a big smile. Suddenly you find yourself smiling? Those are the ripples in the pond…. or the invisible threads of the spiderweb from last week’s blog.
It is not the big things that make or break the world, it is the small ones. You are having a bad day, everything seems to be going wrong. It is easy to drift into negative thoughts. But as difficult as it seems, that is the time to think positive. If you can’t think of anything to be positive about fake it.
Put on a friendly smile, wear it for a while. It seems the brain can not tell the difference a genuine and fake smile. Either case the brain releases endorphins, serotonin and natural painkillers which work to make you feel better. Turn on your MP3 player or favorite radio station to give your mood a further boost.
Some stresses in life are too big to stop your stress and worry with simple methods. The best solution is then to consciously distract your mind from the current situation. This can be done by watching a favorite happy movie, playing a video game, or breaking from normal routines to do something that keeps your mind active.
Changing your thoughts can give enough time or distance from a situation to either help you forget what caused the negative thoughts or help you see the more positive aspects. Either way you help your perspective and possibly help other people who’s lives you touch in big and small ways. So smile today, even if you don’t mean it. Find the flower growing in the sidewalk and rejoice in it. And “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking.”
Hugs,
MJ
Posted by MJ Schrader under
Life
This is the third in the “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” series, and this is the one that I have had the hardest time motivating myself to write. Last week I scratched the surface in dealing with Negative Thoughts and how sometimes those propel us to use unwise solutions. Yet there is a need to further elaborate, which has been my hesitation…
Life sometimes presents challenges that seem greater than we can bear. The news is quick to say how bad the current situation is, truth be told, this is not new and we all go through bad times. Then life seems so unbearable, and some chose a fatal and final decision. That decision can never be undone.
The thought crossed my mind many times over the years, yet ending one life only leaves holes, and hurts, and problems for others. So at various times when I hear of a suicide I grieve for both the ones left behind, and the ones who will never know the value of that life. In the past weeks I’ve realized how close I stood at that cliff and how important a life is.
Our lives are like spider webs, spreading wide with almost invisible threads, touching more than what we see and more than realized. A suicide is like ripping that spiderweb down, the connections ever changed. Maybe you think your life is small, insignificant. Yet, your family needs you, and is touched in both big and small ways. Your friends see reflections of themselves in your life. Your existence brings joy, comfort and happiness, even when you don’t see it. But your life hardly stops there.
The people who you call acquaintances, who see or hear from you semi-regularly, feel your presence in their routines. While seemingly minor, it isn’t. A mail clerk died last year, while I hated waiting in line, his happiness made the wait pleasant, and I enjoyed his smile and laughter. I didn’t even know his name. While that was a clerk I saw regularly; your life still continues forward, to people you don’t even know.
In 1996, while my then-husband and father in law ignored me, I walked to the fast-food bathroom in deep despair. A lady walked up to me, her eyes darted to their table, and back to me. She touched my hand, and whispered “You deserve better…” she paused until my eyes met hers and then smiled. Three words. No my life didn’t change radically because of those words, but I remembered them, and recalled them many times.
Janelle Kleppin shared a story with me. “I ran into a gal who remembered a song I wrote and sang in church 36 yrs ago; she said it touched her & she never forgot. I had no idea anybody remembered me, let alone remembering my song – she said she still sings it. Blew me away, totally.” Janelle’s life touched someone 36 years prior, and the other lady touches others because of Janelle.
Another friend, told me about former students who hug her and “was just shocked they made the move to hug me in front of the other students . . . tough kids don’t do that . . . emotion is a weakness and you risk getting made fun of if you’re caught doing something like that and risk getting into a fight to defend your rep, but they didn’t care . . . hugging me after six-years meant that much.”
Your life touches people, and those people touch others. And while you may have days where you think your life is unimportant, and that you are so very far from perfect, it’s not true. Let’s Eliminate the Negative Thoughts. Your life touches people near and far, in big and small ways. Your life experiences have created the person you are today, and while you may marvel at the ways someone is better than you… they didn’t have your life experiences in the same way you did. And that is what makes you … the perfect you.
Love,
MJ
Posted by MJ Schrader under
Life
