It is that time of year, that everyone should be receiving Christmas cards. In my case I can not send a card to each of you my readers, because I don’t have all of your addresses, nor do I have time enough to address all those cards. Yet you are still very important to me.
However, what I learned last year, was a picture is worth a thousand words. Sending a simple picture of me with my “family” was a great way to share a thousand Christmas words.
Now this year I decided to do something different and made an online scrapbook. Thus between the pictures, the “Christmas Time is Here” song and all that’s at least 20,000 words I am sharing with you and that HAS TO BE BETTER than a card right?
Ok, all joking aside… cards aren’t my thing. Writing is my lifelong dream, while graphics are a passion of mine. So writing a blog post to you and showing you a few pictures from the past year is the best way for me to send a Christmas card.
Thank you for spending valuable time with me. Thank you for all you do. This year has been so stressful, with jobs, finances, economic worries, worries about society and more that I know sometimes you may question what was good this past year… but you are a gift to me. Your life touches so many that you will never know…
Thank you, and I hope you enjoy my Christmas card, please feel free to comment below.
And as a writer, who often gets comments in private, I want to share 2 more posts with you. If you know anyone stressed please send them to this post or the post they need. Please forward it as necessary. Unfortunately I know for a fact that both of these are more likely during the Holidays.
A month ago I took off “suddenly.” The thing to know about me, is I never actually do anything suddenly. Having been alone for most of my life I plan things out with great detail in my head, so when I act it looks very sudden.
The visit was months of discussion, months of persuasion and me resisting. Actually I had planned to go since April, but things didn’t work. Yet this new factor was both a temptation and a reason to resist. One resistance was budget in nature, but I will explain that later.
On July 3rd a classmate came to town from Las Cruces for a family wedding. A third classmate joined us, and we went out to eat around the corner from her hotel. Soon we were joined by her husband. He had already eaten so he stayed for a drink and left, then her brother showed up, a friend on facebook.
The 5 of us soon went out to a club, her brother and I danced the night away at the Mambo Club. We laughed and acted like we were a couple (see the image above). So the next week, I asked my classmate about him. She didn’t say much, but a few weeks later she said to talk to him.
The conversations were few, but comfortable. Often with him encouraging me to visit his sister and him in New Mexico. Finally in November, my resistance broke, and I am glad it did. Yes, it was nice to get away from home. But truth is I had a lot of fun, and all we did was hang out, like a first date (that lasted 2 days) Well, I guess it was… and soon we will try a 4 day second date.
Unfortunately for him, I have dated more than a few jerks, so he’s got a mountain to climb. Which really isn’t fair to him; but, something tells me he’s up to the task. Course this is going to be a bit weird if he reads my posts… although he’ll probably laugh.
Now drifting back to the first resistance and the related. Part of the disillusionment with taxes and bookkeeping is the pay has not gone up while the bosses have gotten progressively meaner. In my 20s I shopped for designer labels on sale, although I could buy them full price. My savings was nice.
In my 30s after a bad business deal, the business partner made off nice . Followed by a period when no one would hire me, my savings disappeared, debts appeared, in droves. A few years of work helped, but when I was laid off in April, I decided to quit in July (long story). It was time to follow a 30+ year dream of being a writer, but the starving artist is NOT part of the dream.
I want to able to pay bills, even better to buy things again, without worry. But after New Mexico, my urge and urgency has grown. My debts need to be paid off, the sooner the better.
So what’s the plan o’ action? First are goals, $1500 to raise before the end of the year, $5000 by February 1st. That will be great forward progress.
Sell my Wendi Friesen and Joe Vitale stuff on eBay to raise money ASAP (see if there is more stuff I can sell) http://bit.ly/6oBTJQ
Do more graphics. I do graphics for fun but it’s a little bit of income.
Offer ghost writing
Make the ex-boyfriend pay his debt to me.
Believe.
BELIEVE. (worth repeating)
Make it so… (Star Trek: TNG)
So if you need to learn something in particular, have ideas to raise some funds, ideas of what I can sell, please leave some comments. If you know (or even better are) a potential JV partner, please leave a comment.
Your passion feeds your energy, feeds your soul. For those reasons and more follow your passion, because it reflects in everything.
Should your passion make money?
It doesn’t matter if your passion makes you money or not, you still need to follow your passion. If your passion is not an income making thing, make it into a hobby, but stay involved. In my blog posts I talk about abuse, unfortunately talking about abuse is not something that makes money. However this is okay, because I don’t want to talk about it all day. There are many people who love music; however, for most it is not a profitable market.
Should your passion stay a hobby?
Sometimes your passions only stay as a hobby. If you enjoy your passion only as a hobby when it becomes full time you lose your passion. Graphic design is something I really enjoy. You can see some of my graphics on RockstarGuideBooks.com, or MindMovingMeditations.com or Selftalkforwinners.com. I did the product graphics for all of those, of course, I should hope that I would do my own graphics. Plus Store.BlueLemonadeStand.com which has graphics and images and my wild imagination on various different products. However if it were a full time job, I would no longer enjoy it. So you must decide if you will still enjoy it when it is full time, or if it will become a burden.
Love Rockstar is the website to make your inner Rockstar shine in both your online business and your life. It’s the cross over between my blog which is my personal life and Rockstar Guide Books which is my online business.
Yet, life does not fit into neat little boxes, as it should. Geoff Hoff made my inner rockstar shine with his testimonial on the Rockstar Starter Guide to E-Junkie.
I am a computer nerd and have a lot of experience with “the other” shopping cart software, but have never spent much time with E-Junkie. Recently a client needed me to to help him set up his E-Junkie account. There were things I just needed guidance on. MJ’s Rockstar Guide to E-Junkie did the trick! . She really is a rock star as far as I’m concerned. In her informative, useful video, she gently guides you through the process of setting up your account from start to finish. Any mystery or confusion disappears. And besides all the wonderful information she has, I love listening to her accent!
I recommend this video to anyone who is contemplating setting up an E-Junkie account to handle their on-line business. Geoff Hoff http://www.TipsOnWriting.net
The video is just one of the products I have to make your inner Rockstar shine in your online business. Yet, with each I try to add a bit of fun because your online business needs your personal shine to go with it. Your business is a reflection of you. So when you work to make your life happy and bright it is reflected in your business.
Because the holidays often bring up old abuse patterns… I am giving you the best audio gift I could think of this year:
“Instant Healing for Abuse Patterns”
…Because sometimes we let ourselves be abused and don’t even realize it! (This is delivered by online audio no matter where you live)
Please take the quiz below and see if you have any old abuse issues hiding in the shadows.
Can you think of anyone else who may have some of these same issues? Forward this letter to them please. Yes, I am giving you permission to ‘re-gift’. Let’s spread this healing all around the globe.
Odds are, you know someone who was physically abused, odds are you know someone who was sexually assaulted even raped. Odds are you know someone emotionally abused. Odds are you know several. Odds are in many cases you don’t even know this is part of their history or current situation.
My last post was “But he doesn’t hit me” which was talking about emotional and mental abuse. Then on Thanksgiving, my facebook status was “if there are more than 4 women at your table, then one of them has been abused, molested and or raped. 1 in 12 odds for men.” So after a few emails I knew this was something that needed further discussion.
Maybe the number sounds high. You may look around your family, or your close friends and say “no, nothing has ever happened, I know them.” But the truth is sad.
It may have happened when they were little. Maybe it happened years ago, or it may have happened just today. First off, no matter if it is rape, sexual assault, physical abuse, or mental abuse it is embarrassing and humiliating. Second there is a problem of who do they tell, who can be trusted.
Most any form of abuse or assault happens from people known by the survivors. Since so many know their attackers, who can they trust? Even when they develop trust again, there are victims who would rather close the book and never talk about it again. Others may only mention when they are worried about someone else, or the topic becomes of importance.
It’s not an easy subject to handle or to announce. But what about those odds… again the truth is sad. Between friends and emails received I know many cases where this is a secret few know. If you are a guy you know men don’t talk. Men often feel emasculated by being abused so they are even more reluctant to talk.
It is not something talked about at the dinner table, so yes you could be sitting with a survivor, if not survivors. The odds are all too real. The reason for this story is simple. When do we make this stop? What can we do to help it stop?
Watch for signs of abuse. Watch for signs of someone having been raped. Offer support. Encourage medical attention as necessary. Do not push, judge or criticize. Read below for signs and visit the sites to see how you can help. If you are at a club and see someone slip something in a drink, tell someone. If you feel sleepy after a drink, talk to a guard or management. If you see abusive signs in your own relationship, seek help. Remember respect, honor and most important love. Put LOVE first everything else will fall into place.
MJ Schrader
Signs of Abusive Relationships
Fear of conflict, worried about upsetting a partner. Unexplained injuries, jumpy nervous behavior. Lose contact with friends. Change in activities, behavior and or appearance. Frequent last minute change of plans. Excuses made for abuser. Click here to learn how to help a friend or family member who is being abused.
Rape or Sexual Assault is a very traumatic event. The person who was raped may or may not be able to say that she was actually raped, or she may seek medical attention for a different complaint. Emotional reactions differ greatly and may include:confusion, social withdrawal, tearfulness, nervousness or seemingly inappropriate laughter, numbness, hostility, and fear. Click here to learn how to help a friend who was raped
This is something I’ve heard several times this week. Years ago, I repeated “but he has never hit me” while looking at a marriage that was so wrong. So while I wanted to tell a story about New Mexico, this post is more important.
Regular readers know I was married. Over 12 years have passed, since I asked for us to get counseling, instead after work the house was half empty. Since then I dated guys with whom no future could exist. As a counseling student I know my choices were to “keep me safe” because I didn’t want to trust anyone although now someone is knocking on my heart… but that’s for another post.
Dating my ex-husband, he held my hand and sent “BIG” gifts to work, things for permanent display. Never roses, or dark blue irises that I love or flowers at all. This was all show, but being young and dumb “this meant he loved me.”
Married; the affection he showed in public remained the same, or even grew. The gifts were big and sent to work. Flowers added after much pleading, were given at home with a “I got them from the grocery discount bin” which showed. He barely talked to or touched me in private. Praising my accounting degree he didn’t trust me with his bank information. Yet he never hit me.
After working a 12 hour day, I refused to cook, so he grudgingly bought food for us, although I got food poisoning so bad I slept in front of the toilet. Fixing dinner I sliced my finger almost to the bone, neither time did he care.
When I disagreed, he would cup my ears, mashing his palms & my hair into my ears. Then would “talk to me” except I couldn’t hear him, and it appeared he was mumbling. If I wanted to be alone, he would grab my arm and force me to stay. But he never hit me.
The contrary messages messed with my self-worth. When I woke up, and saw every bone in my body was visible, I realized “He doesn’t hit me” isn’t good enough.
I deserve someone who can hold my hand, hug me or kiss me in public or private, in front of family or friends. Someone willing to compromise and honor promises. Someone who would get medicine for me, willing to watch shows I like. I am laid back, but I am not a doormat. This is almost 2010 and I am almost…. respect me for who I am, or walk away. Respect, honor and most important love. Put love first everything else will fall into place.
How about some you may have seen or heard. Excessive teasing. Berating someone in public. Constantly accusing someone of cheating, being mad, sad, or whatever. Name calling. Finding a reason to fight. Here’s one women use a lot, “you know why I am mad.” He or she “doesn’t hit me” is not good enough for me. And I am here to tell you, IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU EITHER.
So what if your significant other doesn’t hit you. If you use that phrase, your relationship is probably an abusive relationship. Ask for counseling, walk away, whatever, it is time for a change. A relationship is compromise, honor, respect, and love. Actually the first should be love.
Summary:
“Doesn’t hit me” is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. LOVE IS.
Sorry for the rant, but this is something my heart said to talk about this week.
This was my task. A simple one. One that multiple people had asked me about. It’s a simple process that I had already done, before, for myself and for others, this time they wanted it recorded. So my task was…
Ok, this should have been very easy. But there was something that literally and figuratively blocked me. I had internet interruptions that literally halted video, watching “Loading, Loading, Loading…” Two takes were interupted by Lilo. One time, she was mewing a lot, the second she tried to jump into my lap… and semi-missed. The claws went straight through the jeans and the scream and threat to kill the cat didn’t seem quite appropriate.
Then there were takes when I couldn’t talk, (on this vebite???) couldn’t type, couldn’t get to the right program. Perfectionism got in the way a couple times. Then some days I was too frustrated to film, and finally decided when it was 1am that it was too late.
Was I not comfortable with doing videos?
Was it lack of right equipment?
Was it that I didn’t want to work?
Was it a dry spell?
No, because I shot 4 during the Ejunkie chronicles. There is a “Rockstar Starter Guide to Autoresponders” available for sale as of November 6th. The sales page is ARVideo.RockstarGuideBooks.com For Halloween wallpaper I created How to change wallpaper. Then the popular MJ is dressing up for Halloween as with a Video is at the bottom To explain what I do I created a video for my friends on T61 Radio so we could easily explain the basics to newbies.
So that’s why I am a bit out of sorts over the EJunkie video. It took over 25+ takes, probably closer to 40. There were 10 in the two days before the final take, and that was 2 weeks of attempts. Fortunately I found a way to unlock the Edit feature on the Camtasia version I have. After that was unlocked I learned how to zoom, add boxes, arrows and some other stuff. Perhaps I should leave that as the point?
Honestly, I don’t know. Hope the block is gone. Hope it’s happy to leave me alone. BUT I WANT EVERYONE TO RECOMMEND THIS VIDEO!!! PLEASE BUY THIS VIDEO!!! It’s only $14.95 and it would make me feel TONS better about it. The sales page will go up on Friday. It will be $14.95 there, even if you join the affiliate program this price is still cheaper.
PLEASE BUY THIS NOW
$14.95 for the E-Junkie Video that took 25+ takes
Seriously, please buy it. It’s not a lot of money and it would really help me. Between my budget getting tighter and tighter and let’s just say the video still caused me nightmares in uploading, downloading, putting it online, streaming it…
But what is the lesson you ask? “You always share a lesson with us readers.”
Fall down 9 times get up 10.
Ok, a bit too fortune cookie. But what do you expect, I shot one video over 25 times?? OK! FINE! Lesson 1: The video isn’t perfect, but a perfect product never reaches the market because you are always working on it to make it perfect.
Lesson 2: It took over 25+ takes, it cost me time, a big bruise on my ego, but I didn’t die. (Unless I am dead and typing blog posts? Potential side effect from Plants vs Zombies?) But the point is… the video finally got done, I learned and can move past it. I didn’t die, so what difference are a few bruises? It’s not going to be the first nor the last.
Lesson 3:Sometimes you have to change pace, change your focus, change your mind. You have a block. So what? Is that the only thing you can work on right now?? Clean house, play a mindless game, watch a movie, go for a walk come back to it later with a clearer head and fresh perspective.
Lesson 4: The attempts didn’t work. You still put forth effort, find a way to reward yourself. Give yourself a half hour to read a book, play games whatever. Set a big reward for when the project is done. Movie night, a day off, several games of Mario Kart Racing. Those may be my rewards, but you get the point. Now for the final lesson.
LESSON 5: This is the most important lesson of all. Fall down 9 times get up 10. The fortune cookie was right. Sorry, but it’s true. You only fail when you give up; try again, change your project, refocus, but always get up again. AND THEN YOU HAVE WON.
Besides you can point and laugh at me and say, “it took you how many takes???”
Share with me some of your thoughts. *buy the video* Add some comments below *buy the video* Look for the sales page Friday *buy the video* and last but most important pay attention *buy the video* to the subliminal text in this paragraph.
For 3 days before Halloween, every few hours my facebook status changed to say what costume I was going to wear and why. By popular demand these are the statuses I thought up, which were quite a few more than I actually used.
.
Branding
is dressing up like a Timex cause she takes a licking and keeps ticking
is dressing up like a Facebook page just so people can comment
is dressing up like Coke cause she’s the real thing
is dressing up like American Express, because people don’t leave home without it
is dressing up as AIG so she can ask for her bailout…
is dressing up like bread because she’s a Wonder…
is dressing up like the Energizer bunny cause she just keeps going and going…
is dressing up as Bud Dry… why ask why?
.
Food
is dressing up like chocolate because who can resist chocolate?
is dressing up like peanut butter so she can find her jelly
is dressing up like sugar cause she’s that sweet
is dressing up like butter cause she’s that smooth
is dressing up as a peach to prove she’s not nuts…
is dressing up like peanut butter cause she didn’t want to look cheesy
is dressing up like a walnut, because she’s nutty
is dressing up like tomato so people could argue if she’s a fruit or a vegetable
is dressing up like coffee, so she can be smooth and rich
is dressing up like salsa because she’s spicy…
.
Bad Puns
isn’t dressing up like a dolphin in case anyone thinks she’s got illegal porpoises… * rimshot *…
is dressing up as cheese so she can ask “Do you want cheese with that?” when kids whine where’s the chocolate?
is dressing up as a tiger because she’s not lion about her costume… (read out loud)
is dressing up as a vampire because she’s not a mummy…
is dressing up a corpse because it goes with the coughin’ …
is dressing up as a pyrite… don’t you just love spell checkers…. (pirate, pyrite)
.
Candy Hunting
is dressing up like a thief to steal your Halloween Candy
is dressing up like a ninja so she can sneak around grabbing candy
is dressing up like Chuck Norris, because then Halloween candy would come to her…
is dressing up as the teenager who bangs on the door w/o a costume and asks for candy…
is dressing up as the IRS so she can tax kids on their candy haul…
.
Geek Alert:
is dressing up like the Spanish Inquisition because nobody expects that
is dressing up like Captain Kirk because he has a thing for green alien women (for the guys)
is dressing up like Spock because it’s illogical to be anything else
is dressing up like a dead parrot… in case anyone needs her for a certain skit…
is dressing up as Darth Vader, so she can walk up to people and say “I am your father” (really amusing since she’s a she)
is gluing cinnamon rolls to her ears so she can be Princess Leia…
is dressing up as 42 so she can answer the ultimate question
is dressing up as Ford Prefect because she’s a hoopy Frood.
is dressing up like the Doctor so she can have a sonic screwdriver
.
Assorted:
is dressing up like an icicle because she’s that chill
is dressing up like an airplane cause she’s just that fly
is dressing up like dynamite cause she’s a real firecracker
thought about dressing up like the Nobel Peace Prize, but didn’t want to look easy
is dressing up like a kid so she can get Halloween candy
is dressing up like a deck of cards to prove she’s playing with a full deck….
is dressing up like a deck of cards because she’s a heart clubbing with a spade full of diamonds
is dressing up like an angel cause she plans on partying like a devil
is dressing up like an IRS agent because she couldn’t find anything scarier
is dressing up like a firefighter in case she catches any guys on fire…
isn’t dressing up, so people can see she is a witch..
is dressing up like a spider, because they eat their mates… (for a divorced friend)
is dressing up like snow because she’s cool
is dressing up like music, cause the rhythm is gonna get ya
is dressing up like a broken shovel because she used to have a handle on life
is dressing up like salmon because she likes swimming against the stream
is dressing up as a dust bunny so she can hide your bed…
.
From Others
is dressing up like butter cause she’s on a roll ~ TY Mike Shippey
is dressing up like a habanero cause she’s that hot ~ Freddie Franco
is dressing up like air conditioner because she’s a cool breeze ~ Fred Maestas
is dressing up as a magnet because she’s so attractive ~ Maggie Miller
is dressing up like a Mallard because she’s just ducky ~ Maggie Miller
is dressing up like Fort Knox cause she’s pure Gold ~ Maggie Miller
is dressing up like a Physics Equation because it’s scarier than the evil clown ~ Stella Todd
is dressing up as dynamite cause she’s having a blast ~ Paul Hobart
won’t dress up as a stock certificate because she doesn’t want anyone to sell her short ~ Mike Sweezy
dressing up as a credit card because she has such high interest rates? ~ Mike Sweezy
is dressing up as a car because she’s so driven ~ Trapper Sherwood
Like I said in the last post, I have been fighting depression, and trying to accept that people want to spend time with me. In school sticking my nose in a book helped me not get picked on (even by a PE teacher, who coached my classmates into calling me names and hitting me). Crying got me in trouble at home. At 10 I had a detailed suicide plan.
Last weekend I was asked about dating in high school. I didn’t date in high school not even asked out. But I was happy to have a small group of friends. Crushes, PE, weaknesses were ammunition for being attacked. Married, my ex would say I was beautiful, but he didn’t want to touch me except in public, and I was friendless. Bosses called me stupid, yet I was the one to call to fix things. Any weakness I showed was attacked; yet I am the healer, the counselor.
My brain understand these are opposite messages. My brain understands the negative things are just that and are something I need to let go. Yet hiding behind books growing up, being cut off later, I have very few friends locally and then they are often busy with parental duties. So I find myself wondering how to make friends…
Part of this is my own fault, because while I said a few months ago I would ask for help, but still don’t actively seek friends. Calling people, visiting people are in the “don’t be a burden” memory banks. So I trust a limited one or two and continue to feel isolated and unable to balance the opposites.
Then at Unseminar 7, after a speaker,upon standing, I felt the wave hit. Shaking hands meant my blood sugar dropped. I told Maggie I was going to get a candy bar, she saw my hands and told me to sit, and Bill to watch me. Suddenly there were people every where. Lynette behind me. Rahdi, Jayson, and others, I don’t know who, because I was suddenly hot, my heart was beating like war drums. My fumbling fingers couldn’t open a stupid banana, I was weak…
and there was no attack…
no one saying you are a failure, crybaby, idiot, you shoulda this, you shoulda that…
Suddenly I had a protein bar, meal bar and banana, which Jayson opened when he saw I couldn’t get it open. Lynette fanned my neck, and someone helped me slip off the shirt jacket I was wearing. Bill tested my blood. …
and I was loved…
I am loved.
How do I say thank you?
How can I be a friend?
So I ask for help… please teach me to be a friend…
The 5 of us soon went out to a club, her brother and I danced the night away at the Mambo Club. We laughed and acted like we were a couple (see the image above). So the next week, I asked my classmate about him. She didn’t say much, but a few weeks later she said to talk to him.
Course this is going to be a bit weird if he reads my posts… although he’ll probably laugh.
. Followed by a period when no one would hire me, my savings disappeared, debts appeared, in droves. A few years of work helped, but when I was laid off in April, I decided to quit in July (long story). It was time to follow a 30+ year dream of being a writer, but the starving artist is NOT part of the dream.
thought about dressing up like the Nobel Peace Prize, but didn’t want to look easy
